But I Never Left You
by SWChika
Summary: A health scare causes Alex and Jo to change how they view Jo's history and makes them reevaluate how they want to raise their daughter.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Notes:** First off, I want to warn you all that I have no idea where this story is going or where it will end up or how long it will be. It's just an idea I've had for a while and decided to write it. Both of my other long stories I had planned out before posting so this is a little bit of an experiment for me. It's also not as well edited or thought out because life is kicking my bootie these days, so please try to overlook any mistakes :)

For background purposes in this story, Alex and Jo have been in a relationship for around four years, but they are still not married. They are very committed to each other and haven't had an actual breakup, but Jo is still hesitant about marriage and Alex, while still hopeful Jo will one day change her mind, has taken Meredith's words in 10x17 to heart.

Cristina left at the end of season 10, but returned to Grey-Sloan sometime after Alex & Jo's daughter was born. She's living with them in her old room for the time being. I don't plan to have Owen show up in the story, but if he does he won't be with Cristina. I loved Crowen & they were my favorite ship for a while, but I now feel they are better apart.

Alex is still working at Lebackes' private practice, but is at the hospital a good bit being the kickass surgeon he is. Jo is about to start her ortho fellowship. Their daughter was a surprise, but they had planned on having children at some point in the near future. Jessalyn Grace Karev is around nine months old at the beginning of this story. She has several nicknames including Jess, Jessie, JK, and stink pot.

I'm planning to do this completely from Alex's point of view which has been more of a challenge than I realized as A) I'm not a guy and B) Alex is a really complex dude

**Rating:** T for language, sexual innuendo, and adult situations.

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing related to _Grey's Anatomy_. If there is any doubt, one look at my paycheck would prove it.

* * *

Alex looked around the small exam room, inwardly rolling his eyes at the dated equipment and decor that looked straight out of the 1970s. It was his and Jo's luck that she would become ill while away from Seattle and end up in a dump like this. His heart ached for her, partly because she was so miserable and partly because she hated being so pitiful. His eyes snapped back to Jo at the sound of her moaning. He stood and gently wiped a damp cloth across her forehead as he moved the basin from her lap to the bedside table. "Wait, I may still need that," Jo protested weakly, her eyes fluttering closed.

Alex smiled sadly, "I'll grab it if needed. What else can I do?"

Jo met his eyes and squeezed his hand that was resting at her side, "Stop worrying so much. You're starting to freak me out."

Alex grinned slightly, "I'm freaking you out? A few hours ago you were normal, now you're scarier than the little girl on 'The Exorcist.'

Jo's lips curled slightly as she moaned in pain, "Har Har." Alex pushed some of her hair back and wiped her forehead again before softly kissing her cheek. He hated seeing her in pain and miserable, he would do anything to take it away from her. He felt so helpless. Suddenly Jo grabbed his arm as she curled into a ball, "Basin!"

Alex quickly reached for the hospital issue plastic basin and placed it in her lap before pulling her hair back and rubbing soothing circles on her back. When she finished he wet the towel again and wiped her face as she leaned back against the pillows, "Better?"

Jo cut her eyes towards him, "You're kidding right?"

Alex awkwardly moved to rinse out the bin, "Sorry."

Jo sighed, "I should be the one that's sorry. This is my fault."

Alex narrowed his eyes in thought, "Why do you say that? Your test results aren't even back yet, we don't know what caused this."

"I abandoned our baby for a night of hot sex in a small town inn and now we're stuck in this bandaid station of a hospital that won't even give me something for the nausea! It's kismet!"

Alex looked at her with sympathy, "Stop it, you did not abandon her. Baby girl is fine. Mer won't stop sending pics of her being a "student" for Zola the teacher. We may have a battle on our hands when we go to pick her up."

Jo sighed with a smile, "I miss her."

Alex grinned as he kissed her forehead, "Me too."

At that moment a doctor breezed in, "Ms. Wilson sorry for the delay. I have some good news and some bad news."

"I hope the good news is you finally brought some medicine for her nausea and pain," Alex said gruffly.

The doctor began flipping through the paper chart, "I thought you were already given something."

Alex rolled his eyes, "Are you serious right now?"

The doctor excused himself to bark orders down the hall for medicine before turning back, "Now where was I?"

Alex could feel his blood pressure skyrocketing. Jo seemed to have picked up on this and squeezed his hand before directing at the doctor, "Good news and bad news."

"Ah yes, the good news is we have identified the source of your problems, the bad news is we were overachievers and found more than one issue that could be causing your pain and nausea."

"Which is?" Alex asked through gritted teeth.

"Kidney stones will be one issue. You have several with one being much too large to pass on your own. The good news is we can break them up with a machine called a lithotriptor. It uses shock waves..."

"We know what a lithotriptor does," Alex asserted angrily.

"Okay. Good news is we split time with our sister hospital for the machine and it will be here Tuesday. We'll admit you and..."

Alex narrowed his eyes, "You're joking right? This is a freaking joke. Why would you admit her for four days to do an outpatient procedure?"

"Well she needs fluids and rest. She may possibly need a catheter. Plus we need the GYN to consult on the ovarian cyst."

Alex rubbed his face and started silently counting in an effort to calm down. It would do Jo no good for him to get arrested while she was stuck in this dump. He narrowed his eyes and gritted his teeth once more, "What cyst?"

Jo spoke up, "No kidding, what cyst?"

"You have an approximately ten centimeter cyst on your right ovary. It seems to be twisting somewhat so it needs to be removed soon. Also there's a suspicious spot that we want to biopsy. Does ovarian cancer run in your family?"

Alex felt as if he needed the basin. He looked back to Jo as his world seemed to shatter. Jo took a deep breath before tilting her chin up stoically, "I told the triage nurse, I don't know my family history."

"Ma'am, it's really important that you know that information. Family history is crucial..."

"She knows that, asswipe," Alex barked.

"Alex!"

"No, this isn't working. Give her the damn meds so we can leave," Alex flexed his hand repeatedly trying to keep from punching the wall, or worse the doctor.

"Sir, I understand your frustration, but she needs to be admitted."

"No, what she needs a competent doctor and a medical facility that has seen the twenty first century. Get her discharge information and medicine together so I can get her back home." When the doctor didn't respond, Alex's eyes blazed, "Now!"

"Alex, I think..."

"If you need surgery, you're not having it here in this cesspool. He hasn't even said when the GYN will be here which makes me think it won't be soon." He glanced menacingly at the doctor, who didn't dispute what had been said. "I'll call Mer and Bailey and have them and the on-call GYN ready to check you out by the time we get back to Seattle. We can be there in three hours. We'll take care of you."

Jo smiled and touched his face, "I know you will. I'm going to be fine Alex, stop worrying."

Alex kissed her cheek and teased with forced playfulness, "I'm only worried that I'm going to be playing nurse for one very difficult patient."

Jo laughed and pushed his chest playfully, "And I'm going to be stuck with Nurse Ratched."

Alex smiled at her as he pulled back, unable to shake the feeling that his life would never be the same.


	2. Chapter 2

*****CHAPTER 2******

**Author's Notes:** Hey guys, sorry I've dropped off the face of the earth after posting the first chapter of this. Real life has been nuts and hasn't given me much time to write. Plus against my better judgment, I did a massive rewrite of the whole story this week. Hopefully I will be posting more often from here on out. As always, thank you so much for your support!

For those of you outside of the U.S., I mention FMLA forms in this chapter. FMLA is a law in the U.S. in which eligible employees can file paperwork when dealing with a family or medical issue that will cause them to miss a significant amount of work. If eligible and approved, the employee can take unpaid, job-protected leave and keep their medical insurance through their employer. Did I make that clear as mud? Good.

Hope everyone survived that finale; I'm still a blubbering mess :)

* * *

Alex lay in the floor of the hospital day care center watching his daughter playfully knock over each tower he made of colorful blocks. He smiled despite himself and his worry about Jo. Their daughter was perfect. She had a sweet temperament that both he and Jo joked regularly about where that particular trait could have possibly come from. She was always developmentally a step ahead of other babies her age and was incredibly smart. She had beautiful hazel eyes and blonde hair that was beginning to turn darker.

As Jessalyn knocked over another stack of blocks and smiled at her father, Alex was overwhelmed with emotion. The poor child had no idea that upstairs her mother was on a cold operating table with her body being cut open by their friends. Over the past several hours, Alex had been overwhelmed by thoughts of Jo being riddled with cancer. After Jo was admitted and had fallen asleep with the help of IV pain meds, he lay awake holding her wondering how he could possibly make it without her. And each time he looked at their precious daughter, his heart ached at the thought of her growing up without having any memories of Jo.

Meredith and Cristina had both tried to comfort and calm him. They both had repeatedly told him that things would be fine, and tried to remind him that Jo hadn't been diagnosed with anything serious yet.

But this was him and this was Jo. Of course it would be serious.

Jessalyn gave a large yawn and Alex grinned slightly. He pulled himself up and gathered her in his arms. He then picked up a copy of "Goodnight Moon," his favorite story to read to her at bedtime, and sat in a rocking chair in the far corner. The small girl immediately started to fuss, seemingly knowing it was time for a nap. Alex grinned at her stubborn streak and softly rubbed his thumb between her eyes. As always, the touch calmed her and made her sleepy once again and he began to read the story he could almost recite from memory.

He watched as her eyelids lost their fight and she settled into sleep. He smiled and shut the book, quietly setting it on the small bookshelf next to him. He sat there staring at the sweet child and listening to her even breathing and the creaking wood of the rocking chair. At times like these, he really wished Jo had a picture of herself as a baby; he imagined Jess would be the spitting image of her.

His mind suddenly raced with a growing list of things he needed to do. As soon as Jo had been taken to surgery, he had walked down to Human Resources to get FMLA forms in case Jo needed them. He had reviewed Jo's insurance policies regarding coverage for cancer treatments and hospitalizations and studied the claims process briefly before deciding he needed some time with Jess. He continued to make a mental list of things to handle in the coming days: laundry, paying daycare, rescheduling surgeries. He also pondered what to do if Jo wouldn't be able to climb the stairs at home.

He jerked awake at a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Meredith looking at him with concern. He started to move, but then remembered Jessalyn was still asleep on his chest, "What's wrong? Are you done already?"

Meredith nodded, "It went smoothly. Jo had..."

Alex cut her off, "Wait, don't tell me now. Let me put her down, I don't want her to hear."

Meredith grinned slightly, "Alex, she's not going to have a clue what we are talking about."

"She might," Alex retorted sharply. "Plus if I get upset I don't want her to see that."

Meredith nodded understandingly, "Here, let me take her and you can talk to Bailey. Alex looked up to see Dr. Bailey leaning against the door to the daycare but was unable to read her expression.

He gently handed off his daughter to Meredith and kissed Jessalyn's cheek softly before following Bailey out in the hall. "What's wrong?"

Bailey sat on a bench in the hall and motioned for Alex to sit next to her. When he didn't, she gave a penetrating stare that he remembered from when he was in intern causing him to immediately comply, "Alex, we didn't find any evidence of ovarian cancer."

Alex exhaled sharply as tears of relief started to form, "None?"

Bailey shook her head, "None. We didn't see any signs on her films and the ovary looked good visibly. Her CA-125 level is perfectly normal."

Alex gave a grin before turning somber again, "Then why do you both look so grim?"

Bailey looked him head on, "The cyst was far more complex than we realized. It had twisted and cut off the blood supply. We tried to correct, but..."

"You had to remove the ovary," Alex finished.

Bailey looked at him with sympathy, "We had to remove the ovary." Alex looked away, upset that it would be harder to have another child. "But, the other ovary looks great and we are going to biopsy the one we removed and test it thoroughly. We were able to do everything laparoscopically. The ESWL procedure went smoothly and I'm sure she will pass the remaining fragments of the kidney stones, but we will be sure she has plenty of pain medication. Do you have any questions?"

Alex shook his head, grateful for the outcome. He looked back in the daycare to see Meredith still holding Jessalyn, who was now awake and grinning at him. "When can we see her?"

Bailey smiled and patted his knee, "Give us about thirty minutes."


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Notes: **I apologize for the wimpy length of this chapter. I promise the chapters to come are longer. Happy un-Grey's Day!

* * *

Alex stood hesitantly at the curtain surrounding Jo's bed in post op, gazing at her longingly. Even in a hospital bed with a thin gown on, she was gorgeous. He was trying so hard to keep his emotions in check but the relief he felt was overpowering. He wondered anxiously how she would take the news of her surgical outcome. Jessalyn shifted on his hip, becoming agitated from boredom in a new environment. He had held her in a way that she was behind the curtain so she couldn't see Jo. He wanted to let Jo rest as much as she could and knew if Jessalyn saw her mother she would squeal. He began to bounce the small girl and softly sang to her trying to keep her happy and quiet.

His eyes snapped to Jo as he heard her weak voice, "Alex Karev, stop monopolizing my baby."

Alex broke into a large grin, "Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Like someone's rearranged my insides." She gave a small grin before narrowing her eyes, "You're still hoarding the baby."

Alex gave a thoughtful look, "Are you sure you're ready?" Jo began to pull off the covers and sit up, "Woah, woah, woah," Alex pleaded as he waved his open arm for her to stop. "Do you really want to hurt yourself by pushing too soon?"

"Alex, I need to hold her. Please. No one's told me anything and I'm freaking out. I need to hold her."

Alex smiled sadly and turned to Jessalyn, "Hey sweet girl, do you wanna see mommy?" He bounced her lightly on his hip, "Huh? Let's go see mommy." He then walked fully into the bay and approached Jo's bed. She reached out for Jessalyn and Alex sadly shook his head, "You can't handle her weight, Jo. Let me sit her beside you." Jo nodded understandingly as Alex used his free hand to pull the covers down to make a spot to place Jessalyn. He sat her down as Jo wrapped her left arm around their girl. Alex gently pulled up the guard rail and moved a chair to sit next to the bed. He watched as Jo stared at the top of Jess's head and stroked her hair while Jessalyn laughed and waved her arms. Alex focused on Jessalyn as he ventured, "You did good."

Jo bit her bottom lip while still stroking Jess' hair, "How advanced is it?"

"No sign of ovarian cancer."

Jo snapped her eyes at him, "You could have lead with that five minutes ago, dipwad."

Alex slowly nodded his head while watching Jessalyn play with her teething ring, "I know. You're right."

Jo sighed, "I was so scared."

Alex looked into her eyes and said simply, "I know."

Jo studied him carefully, "What's wrong?"

Alex looked back at Jessalyn briefly before looking into Jo's eyes, "The cyst had...twisted and cut off blood supply to your right ovary. Jo, I'm so sorry..."

Jo gave a small smile, "Please, I'll trade losing one ovary for full ovarian cancer any day."

Alex gave a confused look, "You're not upset?"

Jo laughed slightly, "I'm too relieved to be sad right now."

"But what if we...?"

"Alex, if we can't have more of our own we can always adopt like we had talked about. Right now I just want to focus on you and Jessalyn. We'll worry with the rest later."

Alex smiled and raised up to kiss her softly, "Are you getting tired? Baby girl and I can go and let you rest."

"Don't you dare!" Jo exclaimed with a poor attempt at being stern. "This is perfect. I need you guys."

Alex smiled as he stood to pick up Jessalyn and turned to sit in the bed next to Jo. He placed the small girl on his lap against his chest and held her with his left arm as he intertwined the fingers of his right hand with Jo's. He kissed Jo's temple and looked at her earnestly, "Not as much as we need you."


	4. Chapter 4

Alex struggled to get the key out of the front door while balancing two pizzas in the other hand, "Home!" He dropped the keys on the table by the door and shrugged off his bag. "Jo? Edwards?" He rounded the corner to see Jo sitting on the floor in front of Jessalyn's playpen with her hand against the net as Jessalyn struggled to stand, "Hey, you okay?"

Jo looked back at him, startled, "Yeah. Yeah, I'm just fighting the urge to get her out." Alex sat the pizzas down on the coffee table and effortlessly picked the little girl up. Jo gingerly stood and grabbed Jessalyn's hand, rubbing it softly with her thumb, "This is torture not being able to pick her up."

Alex shrugged as he kissed the small girl's cheek, "It will be over before you know it. Isn't that right Jess?" He continued to bounce her softly on his hip before realizing Jo had stopped interacting. He snapped his fingers in front of her face, "Earth to Jo."

"What?"

"You zoned out on us."

"Oh."

Alex looked around, "What happened to Edwards? She was supposed to stay with you all day."

Jo nodded, "She left about five minutes ago. I told her she should go get ready for her hot date since I knew you were on the way."

Alex gave a disapproving look, "The deal was for Jessalyn to stay home with you someone had to be here all day. What if I had gotten paged back to the hospital?"

Jo turned and started straightening magazines on the end table, "But you didn't."

Alex sighed and tried to keep his frustrations in check. He walked to the kitchen to get paper plates, napkins, and drinks. When he walked back in the living room, Jo was sitting on the couch staring blankly ahead at the playpen. Alex sat Jessalyn down and walked over to sit beside Jo on the couch, "Do you want Hawaiian or pepperoni?"

"Do you think she realizes I've stopped holding her?" Jo asked while still staring straight ahead.

"What? Jo, you hold her next to you all the time, you just don't pick her up or carry her. And I think she's fine. You're still here and she's getting held."

"By everyone except her mother! Alex, babies are intuitive, what if this is having long-term effects on her ability to bond and be affectionate?"

"Jo..." Alex drawled out trying to derail her thoughts.

"According to my file my first foster placement didn't work because I was fussy and cried nonstop and the family couldn't deal. And I'm sure it was at least partly because it wasn't my mother that taking care of me. Even at that age I knew something was wrong."

"Jo, Jessalyn's fine. She hasn't been crying more, her eating and sleeping patterns are the same, she's happy. And even if she was stressed about you acting differently, she'll probably be fine once things get back to normal around here." Alex looked up to see worry still etched on Jo's face. He rubbed her thigh and added, "Look, you turned out fine even after all the crap you went through. If she has just a fraction of your perseverance she'll be fine. Just look at her, she's perfect. A happy, healthy, beautiful baby." He leaned over and kissed Jo's cheek, "Stop worrying." He then leaned forward to open the pizza box, "I hope you'll feel like leftovers tomorrow, I got two in case Edwards was staying and..."

"What if she's not?"

Alex turned back to her, "You said Steph already left, Jo. You feeling okay?"

Jo shook her head quickly, "No, what if Jessalyn's not healthy."

Alex sighed and leaned back, "She is. She just had her nine month checkup and was fine."

"But..."

"She's fine Jo, what makes you think she's not?"

Jo turned quickly to him, "We don't know half of her genetic predisposition, Alex. She could have something major festering below the surface. Liver Disease, Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis, Juvenile Diabetes, Lymphoma, Li-Fraumeni Syndrome..."

Alex's eyes widened at her tangent, "Where is all of this coming from?"

Jo crossed her arms and leaned back, "I've been thinking about it since my ER visit. For all we know, she could have tumors metastasizing as we speak."

"Jo, stop! You're freaking yourself out. Just look at her, she's fine. If she has something come up hopefully the two doctors that live in her house will notice her symptoms and get her evaluated."

Jo quickly stood, "And if by then it's too late? What if she has Autism and can't communicate to us what's wrong? What if she can't feel pain?"

Alex looked up at her with worry, "She can feel pain Jo, she screamed forever when she got her last shots."

"What if that changes? Huh? What if she..."

"What if she's fine? You've seen for yourself how many parents on the peds floor come in saying there was no family history of the presenting problem. It happens all the time."

"That doesn't make me feel better, Alex!"

Alex shook his head as he tried to pacify her, "I'm just saying even when you know your family history things still happen. She's not at a higher risk for getting sick just because we don't know her exact family history."

"No, she's at a higher risk of her parents missing something!"

"Which we lessen by being physicians, Jo."

Jo vigorously shook her head as she croaked out, "We shouldn't have had her so soon, it was a mistake."

Alex felt like he had been punched in the gut, "How can you say that?"

Jo's eyes filled with tears, "I don't mean she was a mistake, I...I wouldn't trade her for anything in this world. I just...I wish we had known my history before having her. If she gets terribly sick with something I passed onto her I'll...I will never be able to forgive myself."

Alex stood and approached her slowly before reaching out to pull her gingerly into his chest, "Jo, it wouldn't have mattered. We'll handle whatever happens, just like we've been doing. Besides we wanted a baby together, right?"

Jo tried to wipe her cheek the best she could despite her arms being folded against him, "Yeah."

Alex relaxed somewhat as he hugged her closer to him and kissed her hair, "Well we take the good with the bad. I don't care what's in your genetic makeup; I wanted a baby with you. Look at Shepherd and Mer, there's a good chance Bailey could get Alzheimer's, but that didn't keep them from having him because they know their family can handle whatever comes. And we can too."

Jo hesitantly encircled him with her arms and pressed her face in his chest, "Okay."

Alex kissed her hair and pulled her back to the couch, "Come on, let's eat before Jessalyn gets fussy."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes:** Sorry for the delay (again). I keep hoping I'll have more time for writing and posting, but it hasn't happened yet. My fingers are still crossed though!

I want to warn you guys that Alex and Jo are going to be put through the wringer in this story. They are going to argue a good bit and will go through some rough times. I hope you will all trust me enough to keep reading, but if this isn't your cup of tea, I will understand completely!

Thanks so much for reading and for all of you that support me through these ventures. It is much appreciated!

* * *

Alex walked slowly and quietly into the kitchen to look for Jo. He had just arrived home after an exhausting day and was thankful Jess had fallen asleep in the car. He smiled at the sight of Jo fully engrossed in the papers scattered all over the bar. He slowly reached out for her shoulders giving them a slight squeeze as he kissed her cheek, "Hey there gorgeous."

Jo jumped slightly and turned to face him, "That was brave you know, sneaking up on someone like that. I could have stabbed you with my pen."

Alex grinned before grabbing an apple and sitting down beside her, "I think I would survive that."

Jo gave him a sideways glance, "Ah yes, but I'm a talented surgeon; I could do some damage."

Alex hiked his eyebrows at her playfully, "I'll keep that in mind."

Jo giggled slightly as she turned back to her work, "Where's stink pot?"

Alex rolled his eyes at the nickname Cristina had given the baby, "She's asleep in the living room. How was your day?"

Jo straightened her back and stretched, "Good. I read up on some articles, studied for my boards. I rescheduled my interview at Brown for early next month. Ordered a cute outfit for Jess online. It was good."

Alex nodded as he looked at the papers in front of her, "What's all this?"

Jo waved her hand dismissively, "Just the forms I need to complete to get my birth records and request my mother's information."

Alex almost choked on the apple, "The what?"

Jo cut her eyes at him with a questioning look and gave a slight laugh, "Do you need me to speak slower?"

Alex wondered if the immense shock he felt was evident on his face, "But why?"

Jo narrowed her eyes and tilted her head in confusion, "Why not?"

Alex sighed, "Look Jo, I understand your need to get some answers..."

Jo shook her head and focused back on the papers in front of her as she raised her voice sharply, "Like hell you do! Don't patronize me on this Alex."

Alex's eyes widened in response to her outburst, "Woah, I'm not patronizing you. I get it, I really do. At least I want to. Just talk to me."

Jo shook her head as she stared out the window hesitantly, "It's so unfair that I'm thirty-two years old and I don't understand my story any more than I did when I was a child. Nothing makes sense. I deserve to know my history and understand what my future may hold." She looked back at Alex as she wiped tears from her cheeks, "I look at Jess and it I ask so many more questions. I hold her and I...I wonder how my mother could ever let me go like that." She began sobbing uncontrollably, "What was so wrong with me?"

Alex quickly stood and pulled her to stand with him as he wrapped his arms tightly around her. He gently rubbed her back as she continued to sob into his chest. When her breathing evened out somewhat he pulled away and wiped her face with his thumbs. He struggled to maintain contact with her eyes that held more hurt than he had ever seen from her. He searched her eyes, struggling to find the right words. He then softly kissed her forehead, "There is nothing wrong with you, Jo. You are perfect. Jess and I both know that." He could tell she wasn't calming down and pulled her tighter, "And your future...it's with us, right? We're gonna be a family forever, right? The only family either of us need."

Jo drew a shaky breath and slowly nodded her head as she slowly smiled at him and added brokenly, "We'll be great, right?"

Alex gave a full grin, happy that she had picked up on his reference. He pulled her close again as he kissed her hair, "We're already great."

Jo smiled into his chest sadly, "I still have questions."

Alex rubbed circles on her back as they swayed slightly, "I know."

Jo sniffled once more, "This isn't fair."

Alex nodded, "I know." He slowly rocked her as he searched his brain for what else he could say to her, "But it also isn't fair for your parents. I mean they have no idea what they missed out on. I feel sorry for them."

Jo pulled back and gave him a curious look, "Is that so?"

Alex nodded, "Maybe I should try to find them myself to thank them."

Jo took a step back, "Thank them?"

"Well yeah, if they hadn't done what they did then we may not have met." When she didn't respond he tried to lighten the mood, "Plus, I didn't have to go through that awkward meet the parents deal. So I think I at least owe them a card."

Jo shook her head, "You know Alex sometimes you really are an idiot. I'm going to bed." She then shut off the laptop and marched past him angrily.

Alex stood silently in the kitchen for a moment staring at the ceiling. They had been doing so well today. He replayed the conversation in his head trying to figure out what happened. He decided the joke about meeting her parents was a little brash and insensitive, but Jo never got this upset when he was a thoughtless jerk.

He went back into the living room and gathered Jessalyn, who had woken up and was playing with her favorite toy, a blue monkey that lit up and sang. He played with her a bit before taking her upstairs for her bath. He then got her ready for bed and sang softly to her as she drifted back off to sleep. He readjusted the blankets before turning on the baby monitor and silently exiting the room.

He stood in the hallway collecting his thoughts and trying to decide what to do about Jo. He thought she would probably want space, but he didn't want to ignore her either. He took a deep breath and decided to look into their bedroom to see how she was. The sight of her curled up in a ball crying tore at his heart, "Jo?" She didn't respond, only sniffled and curled into a tighter ball. He slowly walked towards her and eased onto the edge of the bed, angling his body to stare at her back, "Jo, look I'm sorry. I was just trying to make a joke. It was stupid and wrong and I'm sorry."

Jo sighed and remained curled up for a beat before jumping to a seated position facing him. Alex felt himself jump in surprise before lowering his eyes in shame upon seeing her swollen face. "You think that's why I'm upset? God Alex, have I ever gotten upset about you making a stupid joke?"

She had him there; it was one of the things he loved most about her. He never had to censor his words around her and could just be himself. And despite that she still loved him. Now he was just confused. He tried to meet her gaze, but still had a hard time looking at her normally beautiful eyes so red and swollen. "Then what's wrong?"

Jo laughed sarcastically and wiped her eyes, "Dear God Alex, you said you're happy this all happened to me."

Alex felt his eyes widen in surprise, "Wait, that is not what I said. I said I should thank your biological parents."

Jo motioned up and down with her hands against her thighs trying to make a point, "That's the same thing, Alex!"

Alex ran a hand through his hair and stood up, "No it's not!"

Jo stood in front of him, "I would never say I should have thanked your dad for his actions towards you. For abusing you and then abandoning you." Her voice took on a mocking tone, "I would never be like 'Oh hey Ms. Helen thank you so much for developing Schizophrenia and not taking care of Alex. It made him be a perfect match for me.' But that's what you're saying."

Alex felt broken-hearted at her words and offered in a low voice, "That's not how I meant it Jo. Nothing hurts me more than to think of what you went through. I just meant it as their loss was my gain. That's all."

Jo wiped her eyes again and grinned with a look he knew meant she was slightly embarrassed, "You could have just said it _that_ way you goof."

Alex gingerly pulled her into his arms and held her close as she began to cry softly once again. Her arms held onto him tight as she continued to sniffle. "I'm sorry, Jo. I am so sorry."

Jo laughed slightly through her tears, "What is wrong with me? I'm a blubbering idiot."

Alex rubbed circles on her back, "You're allowed. You've had a lot go on recently and this stuff is not easy to think about. Plus you're living with a freakin' moron."

Jo laughed as she pulled back to look at him, "I like having you as my freaking moron."

Alex gave her a lopsided grin, "I'm glad." He softly kissed her lips as she ran her fingers through his hair. He pulled back quicker than he wanted to, not wanting to go too far with her so soon after her surgery. He played with her hair as he studied her face, "I want you to know, it was worth it to me. All the hell I went through, I would do it all again to get to you. You're worth it. You don't..."

He felt her stiffen, "Alex..."

"...have to feel the same way. I don't want you too. It kinda makes me sound really screwed up and like I'm a freakin' masochist or something. But that's how I feel." He looked at her troubled face and wanted to kick himself for starting this all over, "I understand you need answers, Jo. I don't have any about my childhood anymore and that's how I'm able to say this. I love you and every nightmare that got me here was worth it to me. I just, I want you to know that."

She pulled him close again and laid her head on his chest, "I love you too. Now shut up and let's go to bed before you say something else to make me cry."

She gave a lightening smile and a wink before walking over to her side and slipping under the covers. He walked into the bathroom to brush his teeth and change into some bed clothes. When he came back out, Jo had turned off all the lights. He muttered to himself as he tried to feel his way in the dark. He tried to quietly slip under the covers, but realized that Jo was sniffling again. He pulled closer to her, spooning her from behind, but she quickly turned in his arms and curled into him, crying softly. He just held her, stroking her hair and rubbing her back, until she finally fell asleep. He stayed awake for a while listening to her even breathing as he pondered how he could possibly help her through this before exhaustion of the day finally took over.


	6. Chapter 6

Author's Notes: Hey guys, sorry I've been MIA. I've been sick and I've had family members in the hospital and it's just been a rotten couple of weeks. I'm going to try my best to post again this week.

* * *

Few things at Grey-Sloan ever really stay the same other than sex in on-call rooms and gossip in the changing rooms. Alex sat on the couch in the attendings' lounge halfway listening to Mer and Cristina talk about Yang's new boy toy and trying not to visibly roll his eyes when Callie came breezing in, "Six car pileup on the way in. Sounds like a lot of fractures with some impalements and massive internal injuries. Grey, you available?"

Meredith's eyes lit up, "Yeah of course!"

Callie came over and kicked Alex's feet off the small table in front of the couch, "Karev, when is Wilson coming back? I need her back on my service."

"Her follow up with Dr. Griggs is next Tuesday. He'll decide then if she's cleared to come back or not," Alex offered in monotone.

Meredith looked at him questioningly, "How is Jo?"

Alex hiked his eyebrows and crossed his arms, "You mean the emotionally unstable woman who lives with me and looks a hell of a lot like my missing girlfriend? Still crazy."

"Alex," Meredith chastised.

"We all knew it would happen eventually right? It just took her around four years. That's a record for me."

Meredith smiled, "She's not crazy Alex, she had..."

Cristina chimed in with a mouth full of apple, "She kinda is."

Alex pointed to Cristina, "See!"

Callie rolled her eyes and laughed, "You didn't think she was crazy before when she clearly had some issues going on." She caught Alex's glare and backpedaled, "I mean she was a spunky hellcat. But _not_ crazy."

Cristina deadpanned, "She's crazy now. She's making Alex sleep on the couch every night."

Alex gave an agitated look, "She's not _making_ me sleep on the couch. I just wait to give her time to go to sleep before I go upstairs and _sometimes_ I fall asleep waiting."

Cristina mouthed, 'Every night' as Meredith grinned and concluded, "You're scared of her."

Alex became frustrated, "I am not scared of her, I just want to avoid another argument."

Callie snorted, "Please, you guys are perfect with a perfect little life. What do you possibly have to argue about?"

Alex gave a disbelieving look, "Have you met us?"

Cristina chimed in, "She wants to find her parents and the unsupportive paramour over here can't get on board."

Both Callie and Meredith exclaimed "Alex!" in unison before Meredith asked, "Alex that may be a good thing. Why would you not help her through that?"

"I'm not answering that. It's none of your business," Alex said sternly as he crossed his arms.

Callie received a page and rushed out of the room. Cristina threw away the remnants of her breakfast and started to walk out, "Since I already know the answer to that, I'm going to get on with my day so I can have time to look for a quiet apartment to rent later."

Alex gave a glare to Yang's back as she left then stared back at Meredith's expectant face, "Just give up now, I'm not talking about it."

Meredith walked over to sit beside him, "Why are you so against this? Maybe she can get some answers and some closure. I'm sure having Jessie has brought up some questions for her." She looked over at Alex who gave a helpless look out the sides of his eyes. "I'm close, aren't I?"

"It's not that I don't support her trying to find her parents, but she's doing it for the wrong reasons. She has no desire to have a relationship with them. She wants to track these losers down and drag up all these feelings just to ask them for a freakin' medical history. What if she can't find them? She'll stress herself out for nothing. What if she learns they are dead? That'll freak her out even more and may cause her to have regrets. What if she finds them and they really are the scum I think they are? What if they harass her for time, love, or support? What if she goes through all of this and they can't answer her questions or they refuse to?"

Meredith gave a nod in understanding, "What if she finds them and gets some closure?"

Alex gave a sarcastic snort, "Now what are the odds of that? And what if she does? I don't know how I would feel about Jess meeting them." He sighed and rubbed the back of his head, "There are just so many things that could go wrong."

Meredith gave a small smile, "You won't know until you try."

At that moment Dr. Bailey walked through to the fridge with a quick glance in their direction, "You two don't have to quit talking, just pretend I'm not here."

Meredith glanced at her pager, "We were done, I've got to get to the ER." She looked back down at Alex, "Don't be stupid."

Alex sat motionless in place replaying Meredith's words when Bailey's voice snapped him out of his thoughts, "Karev, you look like hell."

Alex gave a sarcastic laugh, "Thanks."

Dr. Bailey walked over to the couch and looked down at him, "The baby okay?"

Alex gave a genuine smile and briefly met her eyes, "Yeah she's good, just teething again."

Dr. Bailey gave a knowing smile, "And Wilson?"

Alex's smile disappeared, "We're managing."

Dr. Bailey frowned and sat beside him, "Is she having a lot of pain?"

"No. Just issues of being a mother that can't pick up or carry her child."

Dr. Bailey nodded, "Miss Jessalyn is at a rough age for that."

Alex snorted, "No kidding."

Dr. Bailey started to stand, "Well hang in there Karev; just remember the girlfriend who just had surgery is always right. Plus it's going to take a few months for those hormones to get regulated as the remaining ovary picks up the slack." She watched as Alex nodded in agreement, "Now my lab's calling my name."

Alex sat up eagerly as he asked reservedly, "Dr. Bailey, do you still do map healthy people with no acute symptoms?"

Dr. Bailey gave a confused look, "No, not really. The only people who want to go through that without health issues are adoptees that don't know their..." At Alex's pleading face she stopped and gave an understanding smile, "Tell Wilson to come see me when she's here for her follow up."

Alex gave a hopeful look, "Thank you Dr. Bailey."


	7. Chapter 7

**Author's Notes:** I really wanted to update today because I won't be able to again until late next week at the earliest. Thank you guys for hanging in there with me and for your sweet words of encouragement!

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Alex gently lifted Jessalyn from her car seat after a long day. He was looking forward to collapsing into bed as soon as Jess had her bath and was asleep. As he walked up to the house, she soon began trying to put her fingers in his mouth while babbling her current foray into human language. He playfully acted as if he was going to bite her hand while inwardly groaning that she seemed a little hyper. So much for going to bed early.

He walked in the house and was hit with the smell of food and instantly felt better. He turned into the living area and found Jo sitting on the couch looking over some items on the coffee table. She turned towards them and smiled brightly. He walked over towards Jo, smiling at her and Jessalyn's identical expressions of joy. Jo reached over to tickle Jess's stomach causing the girl to squeal and laugh. Alex sat down beside Jo and held Jessalyn on his knee as Jo played with her until the baby's short attention span kicked in and she wiggled to get down. Alex sat her on the floor and she quickly crawled to her toys.

As he was watching Jessalyn make her getaway, Jo leaned over and kissed his cheek, "How was your day?"

Alex smiled warmly, "It just got a hundred times better."

Jo rubbed his thigh as she turned back to the items on the coffee table, "I'm glad. I made some pasta, it's on the stove."

"You didn't overdo it did you?" he asked with worry.

Jo smiled and rolled her eyes, "It felt good. I feel like I've turned a corner."

Alex looked towards the table, "What's all this?"

Jo sighed, "Everything I have to show for my childhood."

Alex picked up a picture on the far side of the table, "Dude, you had some chicken legs."

Jo gave an exasperated look followed by a humorous grin as she leaned against him, "They were not that bad!" Alex held up the picture and pointed it towards her as he made crowing sounds. Jo pushed on his shoulder playfully, "Shut up loser!"

Alex smirked and put the picture down and picked up a tattered report card, "How come I've never seen this stuff?"

Jo rubbed her palms on her jeans, "I don't like looking at it."

Alex looked at her questioningly, "Why not?"

Jo raised her right eyebrow, "When was the last time you looked through stuff from your childhood?"

Alex smirked, "Good point." He leaned back and watched as Jessalyn tried to pull up on the couch next to his knee. "What made you get it out tonight?"

He looked over at Jo, who was staring at Jess with wonder, "She's getting so big so fast."

Alex decided to go with her change of the subject, "Yeah. I sure hope you're better before she takes off walking. I don't think I'll be able to keep up with her without reinforcements."

Jo smiled softly and leaned back on the couch, snuggling into his side, "If she's as much of a rebel as us we are going to be in big trouble."

"No kidding." Alex grinned as Jessalyn clumsily moved to stand between his knees, "I talked to Bailey today. She agreed to map you next week if you want."

Jo gave a look of disbelief and pulled back, "You talked to _Bailey_ about this? Alex, this isn't something I want everyone to know!"

"I didn't tell her anything, I just asked if she was still mapping healthy people and she put the pieces together."

Jo looked at him warily, "Now why would she make that leap?"

"Why wouldn't she? Why else would I ask her that unless it was about you?"

"Why would you ask her that at all?" Jo asked, her frustrations rising.

"To help you get some answers," Alex defended.

"Gene mapping isn't always accurate, Alex! The only way I can feel sure of what I'm predisposed to is to find my birth family. We talked about this!"

Alex ran his hands through his hair, "I just don't feel that's a good idea right now. Why don't we just wait and decide in a few months or so whether or not to go down that road after we've had some time to think it through."

Jo's jaw dropped in shock and gave a sarcastic laugh, "Do you really think I haven't already thought about this? Alex, it's only crossed my mind daily for most of my life!"

Alex rubbed his face, "But you haven't acted on it until now? Why now?"

Jo opened her mouth to speak before shutting it quickly, "I need to clean the kitchen."

Alex looked down at his hands, "I'll give JK her bath."

Alex picked up the child and carried her up to the bathroom. He tried to be playful with her, but felt too defeated to be as goofy with Jessalyn as he usually was. He was rinsing the shampoo from her hair when Jo hesitantly entered the room, "Hey."

Alex looked over his shoulder at her briefly, "Hey."

Jo moved over to the commode and sat on the lid, "Alex, I'm sorry."

He cut her off quickly, "You don't have to be sorry. You shouldn't apologize for how you feel. Whatever you think about all of this is right. They don't exactly write instruction manuals for how to deal with this crap. I...I'm trying to be more supportive."

Jo nodded sadly, "Alex, you get a say in this. You are the most important adult in my life and this affects you too. And until Jessalyn is of age, you always get a say when she's concerned. We just...we need to hash this out."

Alex picked up Jessalyn and wrapped her in a towel before sitting her in Jo's lap so he could straighten up the bathroom, "Not tonight Jo. I'm too tired to fight tonight."

Jo nodded silently, "Tomorrow?"

Alex gave a half grin, "It's a date." He then took the child back, "I'm going to go put her down. Why don't you go on to bed?"

Jo stood and placed her hand on his upper arm, "Why don't I help you with her and then we go to bed together." She gave a brief vulnerable look, "I miss you."

Alex eyes widened slightly before he bent to kiss her softly, "I've missed you too."


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes:** Thank you all for your sweet comments and support! I appreciate it more than I can say.

P.S. It's Jolex week guys! If you haven't already, check out FuckYeahAlexJo on tumblr. You won't regret it, especially this week :)

As always, I own nothing related to_ Grey's_.

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The next several days moved slowly for Alex as things became increasingly tense at home. Jo had decided to try the gene mapping with Bailey and put off searching for her birth family, but was still irritated at Alex for asking her to wait before starting a search. Alex had been trying as hard as he could to be supportive, but was quickly losing patience. He didn't want Jo to make any rash decisions, but at the same time he was growing tired of being the bad guy that was always playing devil's advocate. It was exhausting.

Alex hesitated briefly as he spotted Jo at the nurses' station on the peds floor. She was surrounded by hospital staff who were asking about her recovery and gushing over Jess, who was sitting on the edge of the counter with Jo holding her hands. He watched silently, basking in Jo's smile and enjoying the sound of her laugh. He had so missed that sound over the past few weeks.

As he slowly approached, Jo caught sight of him and beamed happily, "There he is! Look Jessie, it's Daddy!"

Alex smiled and gave each of them a kiss on the cheek and made faces at Jessalyn before directing at Jo, "I guess you got the all clear to lift her."

Jo smiled happily, "Yep, and I couldn't wait. I've been lugging her everywhere but I got a little tired. It's crazy how fast your baby holding muscles waste away."

"Did he clear you for anything else?" Alex asked suggestively.

Jo giggled and grinned playfully, "Sorry, still no S-E-X for you."

Alex covered Jessalyn's ears and retorted dramatically, "What if she knows what that spells?"

Jo tilted her head back to laugh at his antics before giving a wide smile, "Well we came to see if you want to join us for L-U-N-C-H in the cafeteria."

Alex eagerly picked Jessalyn off the counter and turned to walk towards the elevators, "Of course, how could I say no to that? So what'd he say about returning to work?"

"Told me I could return next Tuesday if I promise to take it slow. So pretty much just consults and small procedures in the ER."

"Good. Hopefully Torres will stop harassing me about it," he said gruffly as he punched the button for the elevator.

Jo laughed, "Glad my good report will be benefiting you."

"You know what I mean. Besides, it will be good for you to get back to work I think." As the elevator doors opened for them, Jo nodded her head and hummed in agreement while Alex continued with a slight flirtatious tone, "Plus, it makes up for your good report not benefiting me in the ways I had really hoped for."

Jo but her lower lip and her eyes darkened as she murmured lowly, "Dr. Griggs said if I continued to have no pain and felt up to it, I could try that as well come Tuesday."

Alex's eyes widened at her response, "Tuesday huh? Well I'll be primed and ready to go just in case."

Jo laughed and gave him a wink, "Aren't you always?"

"Look who's talking! You practically jump my bones every morning!"

Jo retorted, "Don't flatter yourself, it's not _every _morning. Besides I don't see you complaining."

Alex gave a cocky grin, "Oh I'm not, trust me I'm not."

Jo reached up to give him a quick kiss on the lips before they exited the elevator and walked in silence for a bit towards the cafeteria, "Bailey said she could see us at one thirty. Will that work for you?"

"Sure thing. Do we need to drop little miss off at daycare before we eat so we don't have to backtrack?"

Jo gave a confused look, "Why? She's going to see Bailey too."

Alex cut his eyes, perplexed, "Why?"

Jo gave an amused grin, "How else will Bailey map her?"

Alex stopped walking and turned towards Jo, "Woah, we never talked about mapping her."

Jo furrowed her brows, "Yes we did. You're the one that brought it up."

"For you, not for her!"

"She's the reason we need to know this stuff Alex. This is more for her than me."

"Then we can go off what yours says."

Jo narrowed her eyes, "It's more accurate if it's based off her exact DNA."

Alex stared at her with disbelief, "Then Bailey can take mine to get a more accurate read."

"Alex..."

"No. I didn't agree to that. Why put her through that trauma for something that's not even an exact science?"

Jo's eyes widened in disbelief, "This was _your_ idea!"

"For you!"

"So it's an adequate gauge for me, but it's not good enough for her? What the crap Alex?"

Alex scrunched his face in annoyance, "Oh stop putting words in my mouth!"

"Honestly Alex, if you don't see the benefit for her, why did you suggest it?" Her eyes searched his, but he couldn't form a response. She then took Jessalyn from his arms, "You know what, forget it. We don't need you to be there."

Alex gave a half-hearted "Jo" as he watched her retreat down the corridor.


End file.
